If we’re talking big picture, I’m a beginner at kung fu, even after six years of training. I started in my mid-twenties. I had never played a sport outside of grade school gym class. I was drawn to Kung Fu, like many other people, because of movies I grew up watching. Typically the hero in these movies, sometimes a woman, could overcome any obstacle with the use of their impressive skills. They were strong, confident and almost always victorious against unbelievable odds. What better way to address the body ideals of my own culture which often times romanticizes women as being thin and weak?
After training for just a few months, I was pleased to notice positive physical and emotional effects from practicing a martial art. I began to sleep better and developed a healthy appetite. As I saw my physical stamina and abilities increase, I also felt a boost in my self confidence. Perhaps best of all, I felt part of a functioning community for the first time in many years.
As my skills increased, I noticed changes in my body. Although I have always counted myself a forward thinking and progressive woman, I was horrified when I could no longer fit into my size 0 pants. I wanted to jump higher and kick faster, but I was not totally prepared for the inches of thigh muscle that came along with it. How could I strive for good kung fu, but lament the growth of muscle? Where did that come from? I had uncovered body issues that I had no idea affected me.
Here I am, six years in and up two pant sizes and ready for the first time to put aside all of my preconceived notions about what a feminine body should look like and banish the notion that an artist’s lifestyle has to be self destructive. I want to put everything I’ve got inside toward my training and I want to understand the changes this could make to my external self. I want to embrace this body and more than that, I want to be amazing at kung fu.
In 2012 I plan to travel to China and compete at the international level. Until that time, I’m going to train with every intention to win. I am going to develop my muscles, steel my mind and push like Rocky all the while documenting each milestone in my training. Placing this body of work into a visual arts environment opens a new dialogue between artist and the physical self. At the same time, placing my body into a context of athletic competition allows my intimate experience to culminate in a public setting. I want to be that underdog and I want to be happy with my strong body.
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